8/13/2025 - i used to keep two journals. one polished, which i would edit, believe it or not, and one unpolished, which was actually completely illegible. i switched to one big journal and promised myself with my whole heart that i would keep no restrictions on it. write what i want to write in whatever style with whatever format. change the format. draw a picture. draw graphs. cursive or print, scribble all over the entire page. its a journal, it doesn't get that anarchical. but nonetheless, it helped me remove that inital block of getting to write. i just open it and as long as my pen touches the page, i'm doing a good job. i eventually settled on a nice format, which i dont feel restricted to, but i do because it pleases me. i had to tear away the (self-imposed) rules to find a sense of freedom in what is anyways structured and ordered. and what that really means is, i got myself to write more by telling myself to write whatever. i need to do the same thing to this site.